A human with low self-appraisal can’t be happy. He always blames himself for the slightest imperfections and thinks that he is not worth something good.
Such people can’t also be successful. Have you ever seen a rich businessman saying: “Oh no, I can’t do this, it will be a total loss, I’m useless!”? I bet you didn’t.
All in all, self-appraisal is something that is extremely important on your way to the good life, and if you are not pleased with yourself, you have to change it immediately.
The methods of fighting self-hate are easy, but the war itself might get quite hard if you are not ready to do it. And now we will explain, why.
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Where it comes from
The answer is obvious: a lot of problems are born far in our childhood. A little kid is easy to influence, so when the others told you something offensive, you remembered it, and these words formed a complex.
Teenagers are also very easy to offend. You may not even remember it now, but there could be someone’s evil joke, that hurt you when you were 14, and now you have problems with self-appraisal.
Analyzing the object of your self-hate may give you a key to what happened in your past and became a reason of your diffidence.
Why it can be hard
Getting rid of the low self-appraisal can be really difficult in case you have a “victim role model”. It is usually more spread between women, but there are men who also have it.
A Victim Role Model is a very funny thing: it’s a kind of behavior a person chooses. And, as you can understand from its name, the person acts like everyone around is guilty.
For example, we have a woman called, say, Mary. And from her early childhood she knows, that if she did something bad, she can avoid punishment by crying, making sad eyes and claiming somebody else (like cat or elder brother) guilty.
Then Mary grows up and sees that the same scheme still works for many adult situations, so why change your behavior when you can still win? Moreover, there is a wide-spread thought that men like girls who are so tender and unprotected… This is only one more reason for Mary to play the role of a lady in trouble.
But the problem is that such behavior becomes permanent, and Mary really accumulates her problems. She moans, calls herself useless and helpless, waiting for someone to solve her problems. After years of calling herself bad she really starts thinking so.
What you can do
When fighting your diffidence there are a couple of aspects to pay attention to. And here they are:
1. Losses are the part of success. And those who win make much more mistakes than those who do less. We all are imperfect, and that is our main charm. Let yourself be wrong in some life situations, because this way you get a priceless experience. Life teaches you, and, maybe, this way it is trying to show you that you are doing something that is not worth doing. Of course, it doesn’t mean that you have to give up trying – no! But just try to take it easier.
2. Compare right. When we think that our failure is huge, we compare it to someone’s victories, and that is what’s completely wrong. You have to understand that even your idols make mistakes, but somehow you don’t notice it, concentrating only on his luck and your insignificance. The only person you should actually compare yourself to is you in the past. If you see the progress, then everything is going great.
3. Criticism is not always unbiassed. If you have a break ahead in your business, you leave a lot of people behind, and so the try to let you back down. Don’t take their words seriously, do your job and remember, that happy people never tell anything bad about the others. And if they are not happy, all you have to do is to feel sorry for them.
4. Tell more good things. If you don’t like a well-known exercise (standing in front of the mirror and telling yourself how good you are), spread the good everywhere around you. You will see how pleasant it is to tell your colleagues that their work is very progressive and important, to tell your relatives that they are caring and kind, to tell your friends that they are beautiful and supportive! There are a lot of good traits in each person, and by pointing it you feel better.